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Memory #12

June 24, 2012

Diary (Photo credit: Barnaby)

In high school, I had a crush on a boy. I used to write about it in my diary. I didn’t write much in my diary, but I wrote out that I liked this boy. Big mistake. My Mother managed a store and there were a lot of young people who worked there part time. The boy I had a crush on was one of them.

My Mother started coming home after work to tell me she had been talking with the boy I had the crush on at work. She would go on and on about it. She told me that this boy really liked her. My Mother is 30 years older than I am so  I am certain this teenage boy was not interested in her. It was sick when I think back on it. I saw her around him and she flirted with him like a young girl. It was a crush on my part and nothing ever came of it. My Mother just wanted to compete with me somehow…and to win. She did of course. The boy never liked me and he loved her (at least that is what she said and apparently believed).

This was the beginning of many memories of my Mother somehow behaving and acting like she was my age with boys of my generation. She was very sucessful in ruining a lot of my relationships. It was not only sick, but embarrassing. To my knowledge, she never acted out beyond flirting and being a bit seductive. I am sure the boys never wanted to participate or respond to her flirty behavior. She was an old, odd woman. I am sure they took it as an old woman trying to be nice and overly friendly. They may have liked her but in a way that a young man likes an old authority figure.

It actually took me some time to catch on that my Mother made a habit of snooping in my room and reading anything that remotely looked like something I did not want her or anyone else to read. I did a test one time. I actually had a date and I wrote out an entry on a piece of paper that said how much I loved my Mother and how I wish  she would not worry about me when I was out on a date. I would never do anything bad because I did not want to upset my Mother. I left the note a bit hidden, but easy to find. Normally when I had a date, my Mother would be waiting, ready to give me a hard time. She used to scream and go really bazerk if I was five minutes late. She threatened to call cops on me and all such things that scared me to death. The night that I left my journal entry out for her to find, all was calm when I got home from my date. I knew, I just knew that she had read it. There is no way she would have been calm if I had not planted that note for her to read. After that, I destroyed all of my diaries and journals and any private writings. My writings were a blueprint for her to figure out how to hurt me. I never gave her that satisfaction again.

Over the years, now and then, there would be something on television that talked of Mothers snooping and reading their kids diaries. My Mother would go off on how awful that was and how she would never do anything like that. Yeah, right.

One Comment
  1. gothrules permalink

    Could have been a terrific way to control your mother without her even figuring it out. Good for you.

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