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An eye or an eye and we all are blind…..Positive Experience #11

January 10, 2013

I am very human and I do have rotten thoughts, some that I am really ashamed of ….. I am a nonviolent person. I get upset over stuff on television. I am not into murder, even of bugs. I have had aggressive thoughts though and what I am grateful for is that somehow, I have never acted on my anger and rage toward my Mother. I have never had the desire to do so. I think that is a miracle. I don’t think we have a right to cause pain or suffering to others. I think we all cause some level of pain and suffering in others unintentionally but to intentionally cause pain is wrong in my mind. I don’t know where I got my conscience or code of ethics, but I am grateful for them. It is not all goody, goody me. Part of why I think I have such a code of conduct is because I refuse to be like my Mother. That in itself is some sort of retaliation. I don’t care because it is the better path to take. I think it makes my Mother’s blood boil that I refuse to engage in creepy behavior that she is known for in life. Gossip and belittling others is one habit she has that she has gotten really angry at me for because I would not be a party to it. My Mother particularly likes to say mean things about my Dad even though he has been dead for years. I finally just told her that I would not talk with her if she kept saying bad stuff about my Dad. She kept doing it so I shut her out for a very long time. She finally exploded that he was her husband and that she could say whatever she wanted to about him. I told her that indeed she could say anything she wanted but I had the right not to listen or participate. She got incredibly angry. It took years but she no longer talks bad about my Dad in front of me. That was a hard-earned battle but one I am glad I fought and won.

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