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I think I am a Vulcan …

February 12, 2013

I am going to quit numbering my posts…..I think this is Positive Experience #26 but I am not sure. I don’t like little details like that but despite my dislike of details, I am very detailed oriented. I suspect I have a mild form of obsessive compulsive disorder. It may be a disorder, but I find it handy. I like order and I like to do things to the best of my ability. My best is not that good, but hey, I try. I am selective about where and when I do my best. I guess I am a bit of a perfectionist on things that matter to me. I am not so careful on things that I do not consider so important…such as matching socks, folding laundry, cleaning tubs….

I am trying to think why I put the title about being a Vulcan……..hmmm….I kind of got off track.I think I was going to write about the value of logic. I really am fairly logical despite my tendencies to meditate, ponder near death experiences and half believe in big foot. Most of my blog thus far has been about my mean Mama and emotional sort of stuff about childhood abuse and trauma. I actually am not a very emotionally expressive person. In fact, I kind of can’t stand a lot of touchie feelie sorts of matters. I love Spock from Star Trex. He is just cool. My husband calls me Spock from time to time. My husband is definitely the girl in our relationship. He gets all emotional and tender. I am quite stoic. He is always telling me he loves me. I have trouble saying it. I do love him but I told him once so why do I need to repeat it? I do repeat it but it is a challenge for me. My husband gets me. He knows I love him but he likes poking at me. He knows I will ask him if he forgot that I love him ….I will say, “Yeah, yeah when he asks me about loving him….” He is trying to draw out my inner emotional side. Thank God my Spock-like nature is endearing to him.

My husband is a clothes horse. He buys lots of nice clothes and likes to hang out at the mall. I can’t stand shopping and I am quite content to wear stuff to the point I wouldn’t donate it to Goodwill. My husband likes to pick out clothes for me which is fine. He is much better at matching things and figuring out all the style details. I would wear jeans, a t-shit and boots every day, all day if possible. I have never liked a lot of girlie things like nail polish, high heels and clothes that pinch and pull. Who in the world invented those thong things? Is that the right term for those strings that girls wear and call panties? They make me laugh. I would rather go commando than wear those things. I think even fat old women wear those things. It is ridiculous. Walmart, a place I frequent maybe once a decade, is where I picked up the image of big women wearing thongs.

I have had several close women friends in my life but by and large, women have mostly gotten on my nerves. I don’t like a lot of the women stuff… women complaining about periods, pms, hot flashes….. wanting to go to a spa, or get a pedicure or get some fake nails or watch some love movie. I can taste vomit just thinking about these things. I am not a tomboy or tomwoman but I like to ride a motorcycle, watch some Rambo sort of movie where they shoot a lot… and I would rather have a drink of hard liquor than some designer drink. This the common ground where my husband and I are on the same page. My husband is one tough, strong dude even though he knows about clothes and likes to shop. Okay, he is even tender, but thank God he isn’t like that all of the time. He is a man’s man for the most part. He likes to ride his motorcycle and give mean looks to old women. You have to admire that!

Is love logical? I don’t know. What would Spock say? I will ponder this.

I guess I should mention that I really am a strong supporter of women. I don’t like girlie stuff but I admire women and support women’s issues. A lot I could say there but that is for another day….

  1. Hey Lily, it seems we have some more in common πŸ™‚ I despise shopping and would also wear my clothes happily until I couldn’t even them to goodwill. I have always preferred hanging around men and having male friends to females. I don’t do girlie, make-up, nail polish. I have been going commando for years (blushing) because I can’t stand thongs! I only wear them if I have to wear a skirt because all my pants are dirty (haha) I can do girlie if I have to, like for a wedding or special occasion, but I would much rather hang out in jeans and no make-up…
    Your husband sounds so great, I am happy for you that you found someone who loves you for who you are πŸ™‚

    • I really enjoyed your post. It is cool that we have so many similarities. You sound hyper cool. Yes, I am fortunate to have a wonderful husband. I sure dated a lot of creeps and felt like I was in hell for a long time…. Somehow really getting clear about abuse and limits and all of that stuff seemed to create a space where love could finally come into my life. It is the greatest blessing I have ever known.

      • Thanks Lily, I think you are also cool πŸ™‚ your story gives me hope that I will also find someone who will love me one day without being abused….

  2. gothrules permalink

    Thank God for Vulcans. Seeing yourself as Spock – kind but stoic and not one to openly express emotion – is your defense mechanism. It is the cloak you wrapped around yourself from the moment your mother began to abuse you. If you didn’t have the ability to assess your life from an objective viewpoint, your suffering would be truly unbearable.

  3. Your comments blow me away. All of them. You help me see myself differently … and more compassionately. I am most grateful.

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