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Rings of hell…day 7

February 23, 2013

I never thought I would be able to give up cigarettes. I love smoking so much. This is day 7 without a cigarette. Okay, I am going to come clean. My husband and I have had a few puffs. I am not counting those. I don’t have a patch. I have some nicorette gum but somehow it bothers my stomach so I can’t use it. The whole deal about giving up smoking is getting the nicotine out of your system and then just not smoke or use any nicotine products. I think it is great to use a patch or the gum to wean off the nicotine. I think the few puffs I have had are okay. Each day I want cigarettes less. Each day is easier. I actually do think most of the nicotine is out of my system now. I am drinking lots of fluids and chewing regular gum a lot.

I have written about losing 50 some pounds in the past year. I did it because the doc told my husband that he was going to get diabetes if he didn’t drop some weight so we both changed our eating habits. He also has lost 50 some pounds. With this stop smoking thing, neither of us want to gain weight. Getting control over my eating habits was easier than this cigarette thing. Still….trying to keep up healthy eating while not smoking is a challenge.

My concentration has improved. For the first couple of days, I could hardly focus on anything but the craving for cigarettes. My energy is high. I stay busy to keep my mind off of smoking. It doesn’t work but I stay busy anyway. It helps somehow. I think drinking lots of fluid helps. I have heard that fresh juice, like orange juice, flushes nicotine out of the body. It also seems to help to eat regularly. It takes some edge off.

I burn incense and the smoke is nice. I like the mental self-talk. I see myself fighting with this crazy addiction and winning. I don’t feel like much of a winner at anything so this is good. My blog is mostly about my insane Mother and her abusive ways so I will tell you that I think about when she saw the staples in my chest after breast surgery. She smiled. I want to be successful at this because she doesn’t want to see me succeed at anything. She is happy that I am deformed. I want to have the reconstructive surgery just to annoy the crap out of her.

The more I think about it, nicotine is like abuse. It gets into your system and it feels normal. You get used to it. It is dangerous. It is unhealthy. It is a freaking nightmare to rid nicotine and abuse from your life. I am going to be successful. I will not be controlled by cruel, harmful forces.

I want to thank all the people who have sent me notes of encouragement. I am so happy about the strength of so many wonderful women who have told me about giving up this awful habit. Thank you. And this brings up another point. I have noticed that as I have given up cigarettes, emotions are on the surface. It is good. I have smoked away my feelings instead of feeling them. I am feeling such gratitude. It feels wonderful.

From → I am in hell

  1. I’m proud of you.

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